How to Dress A Plump Middle-Aged Female

surprised girl in pinkLately, I’ve come to the conclusion that I really need to renew my wardrobe, from top to bottom. Unfortunately that is not as simple as it sounds. But it almost never is, when it comes to women and clothes.

My wardrobe is in a really bad shape these days.

Baggy and boring is a way I would describe my wardrobe. B for baggy,  because almost all the clothes I can fit in are either too saggy to flatter me (because I lost some weight) or because they are so old. Also, five or 6 years ago I decided  I’d like to wear brighter colors –the browns, greens and occasional blues I like to wear are ok, but I need to spice up my wardrobe a bit. (Don’t ask why I it has taken me 5 years to put it into action!)

To be honest, the poor shape of my wardrobe isn’t the only reason I’m eager to update my style.  Some time ago I was house sitting in my friends’ house and got into a habit of watching What not to wear every day at 4pm.

It wasn’t long before I was convinced that I need to completely overhaul my wardrobe.

I need new shirts, skirts, trousers, jackets, coats, underwear, shoes and a multitude of new accessories. Not only that but my make up and my haircut need updating. I can imagine in minute detail how Stacy and Clinton would throw away my baggy jeans and worn tops, get a pair of perfectly-fitting bra and tell my to always wear high heels because they would accentuate my short but shapely legs. They would also want create an illusion of hourglass figure with the use of belts and open necklines.  🙂

After that I would be reborn as the confident, stylish but relaxed woman I’d like to be. 🙂

The Reality Version: My Belly vs New Clothes

Fired up with enthusiasm I actually decided to visit the nearby shopping center and open-mindedly try on clothes to see if I could find items that flatter me.

It started rather well. I roamed the aisles and picked a huge pile of clothes to take with me to the changing room. Whilst there, things turned sour in approximately 60 seconds: the first red top I tried on highlighted my fat rolls a  bit too conspicuously, so I never got into trying on that spinach yellow shirt with a frilly neckline (frilly necklines are risky for amply bosomed women  and I’ve never liked yellow much). I reluctantly tried on some other clothes but the mood was gone.

That was the first time I seriously contemplated buying Flexees. I might have actually tried them on if it hadn’t been so hot that the idea of squeezing myself into(?) spanx was unthinkable. Instead, I fled to the nearby bookstore to calm my nerves.

If I had actually participated in Stacy and Clinton’s show, at that point they would’ve come to the rescue and reproach me for giving up too soon. To replenish my wardrobe I need to be ready to put in a lot more effort than that. Of course a 5000 dollar gift card wouldn’t hurt either.

For some time after the changing room disaster I paid particular attention to women and their bellies. I actually saw lots of stylish and not so stylish women with fat rolls, so it’s not like I’m the only one who has them. For some reason I wasn’t offended by other women’s fat rolls. I wonder why that is? 

I also noticed I didn’t see many women wearing high heels – maybe Nordic women are too sensible to do that – you can absolutely kill your feet trying to shop in high heels!


My first attempt at renewing my style didn’t end that well but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up. Not at all. 🙂 When I got home I  recalled that I have a big heap of beautiful fabrics hidden in my closet – I just need to get them out and start sewing again…

In addition, I’ve satisfied my need for a new haircut by learning to cut my bangs myself – it’s almost as fun as going to a hairdresser except  much cheaper. 🙂