Oops I Weighed Myself

I weighed myself today for the first time in 2.5 years.

Today, I weigh 154 lbs (70 kg) which means my bmi is 29,1.  (For the reference, I’m 5 ft 1 inches tall and I weighed 134 lb on February 9th 2008). I’m a plumped-up office worker indeed.  🙂

So far I have measured my “inch loss success” by taking photos of myself wearing my goal jeans. It has worked pretty well, but of course I’ve been curious about my weight.


I stopped weighing myself simply because I was so tired of being a slave to the scale. Three years ago I learned to eat healthily and was very frustrated when my weight didn’t budge even though I could fit into smaller clothes. (That’s what happens when you lose weight at a very moderate pace and improve your diet instead of just “dieting”).

So, for a couple of years I’ve been blithely oblivious about my real weight. After 2.5 years, early menopause, runner’s knee and one clinical depression, I put on 20 pounds.  Seems I’ve been on a real weight gain program!

My weight gain does explain some things – why I hate photos taken of me. But it’s also interesting to notice, that despite my weight gain I’ve felt better and better in my body. That’s thanks to my exercise habit and relatively healthy eating. I’m feeling great but not looking so good on the outside.

I'm not stretching, I just try to prevent my niece from taking an unflattering photo of me!

Weighing myself is a definitely a wake-up call.

What I’m worried about now is my attempt to learn intuitive eating – regular weigh ins and intuitive eating really don’t go well together. It’s difficult to maintain a normal relationship to eating and food if you obsess about the figures on your scale.

Do I transform into an obsessed, unhappy dieter again?  I guess only time will show!

Best Wishes,




  1. Marion says:

    Hi Satu! Well, I think that your above picture of you looks fine. It’s not gross or ugly or anything like that. The real problem with it is– it is not what *you* want.

    Satu, you and me are scared of failure of weight loss at our age. It used to be so easy when we were younger, but now it’s not. As one of my blogger friends (who lost 94 pounds) said, “Losing weight is a real bitch.” You and I both have *valid reasons* for weight gain, but we also used them many times as excuses too.

    I also went through clinical depression in 2005. It was scary and I probably used food quite often to prop my mood up. That was when I was a size 18–and that is ugly. Part of it was medication, and part of it was that I didn’t care much about myself at the time. Well, that’s been over with for a long time now. I’ve only had sort of an intermediate success with weight. Size 14 now. I can do better. We can do better.

    Time for you and me to bloom. I’ve *never* been at my ultimate best–even when I was younger. Have you? Why don’t we do this for ourselves! We deserve it!

    🙂 Marion

  2. Satu says:

    Hi Marion!

    Well, I’m not overly upset about the weight gain and I’m pretty confident I lose the extra pounds given enough time (and provided that nothing overly upsetting happens in my life).

    I admit I don’t look hideous, but I sincerely hate my double chin. Luckily you can’t see that in the picture! 🙂

    I was in a good shape when I lost weight with WW in 2003, but then I wasn’t as interested in being in top condition physcially as I’m right now. I want to transform into a mini girl monster! 🙂

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